BEST CHOCOLATE RUM CAKE EVER

1 or 2 quarts rum 1/4 cup cocoa
1 cup butter lemon juice
1 Tablespoon sugar Brown sugar
2 large eggs Nuts 1 cup
dried fruit 2 teaspoons baking powder
1 Tablespoon soda  

Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. Good, isn't it? Now go ahead. Use a large mixing bowl, check rum again. It must be right. To be sure if rum is of the highest quality, pour 1 level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat. With electric mixer beat butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon usgar and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure that the rum is of the finest quality. Try another cup. Open a second quart of quart if necessary. Add 2 arge legs, 2 cups fried druit and beat till high. If druit gets struck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the rum again, check for tonscisticit. Next shift 3 cups of pepper or salt (it doesn't matter), sampletherumagain. Sift 1/2 pint of lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add a babblespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you find. Mix mel. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 305 gredees. Now pour the whole mess in the boven and cake. Check the rum again and bo to ged.