20 WAYS TO CONFUSE TRICK-OR-TREATERS

1. Give away something other than candy.  (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags
of sand, etc.)

2. Wait behind the door until some people come.  When they get near the
door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick
or Treat!"  Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.

3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers.  Write on it, "Top
Secret" in big letters.  When trick-or-treaters come, look around
suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the
briefcase, and quickly shut the door.

4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room.  When
trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in."  When they do, have
everyone yell, "Surprise!!!"  Act like it's a surprise party.

5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can
figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher.  Insist that it makes an
unnatural "whirring" sound.

6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.

7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish.  Immediately collapse, and
don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.

8. When you answer the door, hold up one candy bar, throw it out into
the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"

9. When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked
and scared, and start screaming your head off.  Slam the door and run
around the house, screaming until they go away.

10. Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you
give them any candy.

11. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their
candy.  Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.

12. Get a catapult.  Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone
who comes within 50 yards of your house.

13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing
through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.

14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim.  Stare at the
trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start
flipping through a calendar.

15. Instead of candy, give away colored eggs.  If anyone protests,
explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.

16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist.  Angrily give the
trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.

17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several half-eaten
candy bars in your hands.  Act surprised, and close the door.  Open it
again in a few seconds, and insist that you don't have any candy.

18. Hand out cigarettes and bottles of aspirin.

19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your
porch.  Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.

20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit.  Yell and curse from the moment you
open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters.
Slam the door when you're finished.

 --> Jeremy "Tim the Enchanter" Myers